Jesus Is Alive

It’s Easter Sunday.  I’m feeling sad, lonely, and deeply conflicted… but Jesus is alive.  Through sin, fear, and uncertainty, he is alive.  In my weakness, I reach out for God’s strength, knowing just that one thing:  Jesus is alive.

Whenever I get to feeling smart, God has a way of reminding me how little I really know.  The Bible talks about how in all our wisdom we cannot find God unless he reveals himself to us.  Sometimes, in the simplest of things, I encounter great frustration being unable to solve my own problems.  My brain is gets coated with a thick spiritual fog I cannot see through, no matter how much I strive.  It makes me wonder what God’s point is?  Is it just meant to drive me insane?  Or is there a greater purpose?

I like to think there is a greater purpose.  Since scripture says that it pleases God to frustrate the wisdom of men, I need to go back to the Bible to identify that purpose.  I’ve done that a few times already, so I know what the answer is: Dependency.  God wants us to depend on him.

God is not satisfied with a man trying to come to Him on his own terms.  That’s not how it works.  We are not equals with God.  A man has to bend his knee to find God.  I have to bend my knee.  God wants me to trust him, seek him, and know him.  He always sees through lip service.  The funny thing is I don’t, at least not in myself.

So, when I’m feeling down, I come back to this passage:

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

 In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:

   ‘My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
  because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.‘

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!  Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. ‘Make level paths for your feet,’ so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.”

Hebrews 12:2-13

Bryan Duncan wrote a song lyric: “God knows, I don’t, what’s good for me.”  What we need are reminders that he is alive.  He’s not some ideology or figment of our imagination.  He’s not about perfecting our religion.  He’s about engaging our hearts.  That’s really tough for us because while he can see us, we can’t see him.  Sin took away our walks together in the garden.

I can’t cite the study, but I remember reading about one that showed people cannot walk in a straight line without reference points, instead, we walk in spirals.  We’re like a shopping cart with a bum wheel.  We drag to one side.  I think that’s how it is for us spiritually too.  We need God as a reference point.  Somehow, we need to see him to walk a straight line.

There must be an infinite number of ways to see God.  Some of them are unique to us.  We have physical, emotional, and spiritual senses and a unique perspective given to us by God. What we lack is discernment.  God trains us to see through correction.  He dampens some senses in order to raise our awareness with others, like how a blind person develops a keen ear.

For me, the sense God dampens is the one that keeps thinking I can reach him by myself.     The only thing I can reach by myself is my own imagination.  Jesus is alive.

Passing By the Roar

Now the lions were chained, and so of themselves could do nothing.Life in the software industry is one continuous deadline.  Everyone is working to ship all the time.  To stay employed we have to produce something new that people will buy.  After decades of upgrades, it gets harder and harder to top what’s already been done.

There was a time when software was a wide open frontier.  A simple original idea could net millions.  That can still happen, but at this point a lot of original ideas have come and gone.  The roads are crowded.  The opening months of the iTunes App Store were sweet for developers.  It was frontier time all over again.  Now, a little over a year later, the store is flooded with applications.  It takes an amazing effort to stand out.

Software is complex.  Major products can have millions of lines of code.  It’s like managing the New York City phone book and keeping it accurate.  There’s always one more bug to fix.  The most painful part of a product cycle is the month it is due.  It feels like a tractor pull.  Sometimes you think it’s just never going to happen.  Everything comes due at once like the last week of a semester in college.  Every code change has reprecussions. A single bug can prevent the release from reaching Golden Master, or “GM’ing” as developers call it. Someone (I don’t know who) once said, “Software isn’t released. It escapes!”

Needless to say, people get stressed out.  You can see it on their weary faces.  Experienced developers learn to temper their reactions during this period.  The alternative is to lose self control and start chewing each other up.  “Don’t Panic” becomes a mantra.

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8

Life in the software industry is one continuous deadline.  Everyone is working to ship all the time.  To stay employed we have to produce something new that people will buy.  After decades of upgrades, it gets harder and harder to top what’s already been done.

There was a time when software was a wide open frontier.  A simple original idea could net millions.  That can still happen, but at this point a lot of original ideas have come and gone.  The roads are crowded.  The opening months of the iTunes App Store were sweet for developers.  It was frontier time all over again.  Now, a little over a year later, the store is flooded with applications.  It takes an amazing effort to stand out.

Software is complex.  Major products can have millions of lines of code.  It’s like managing the New York City phone book and keeping it accurate.  There’s always one more bug to fix.  The most painful part of a product cycle is the month of the deadline.  It feels like a tractor pull.  Sometimes you think it’s just never going to happen.  All your assignments come due at once, like the last week of a semester in college.  Every code change has reprecussions. A single bug can prevent the release from reaching Golden Master, or “GM’ing” as developers call it. Someone (I don’t know who) once said, “Software isn’t released. It escapes!”

Needless to say, people get stressed out.  You can see it on their weary faces.  Experienced developers learn to temper their reactions during this period.  The alternative is to lose self control and start chewing each other up.  “Don’t Panic” becomes a mantra.

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8

In the book Pilgrim’s Progress, author John Bunyan wrote these very interesting words:

Now Mr. GREAT-HEART was a strong man, so he was not afraid of a lion; but yet when they were come up to the place where the lions were, the boys that went before were glad to cringe behind, for they were afraid of the lions: so they stepped back and went behind. At this their guide smiled, and said, “How now, my boys, do you love to go before when no danger doth approach; and love to come behind as soon as the lions appear?

Now the lions were chained, and so of themselves could do nothing.

In Bunyan’s story, Christian was told to walk the straight and narrow path, which led right by the lions.  He passed by them unharmed because they stood chained, but hearing them in the distance was intimidating.

You can hear a real lion’s roar from a long way off.  I recall years ago visiting the Sacramento Zoo.  The zoo had one male lion that liked to be heard.  All over the zoo, when he roared, you heard it.  If you were standing in front of his cage when he thundered his call you felt its ferocity.

The “lion’s” we face in day-to-day living tempt us to pull off the path of wise choices, turn back, or give up.  Primal emotions want to govern how we react. They keep our heads swimming with thoughts like: “Be afraid!”  “Run away!”  “This is too big for me!”  “This isn’t worth it!”  “Take the easy way out!”  Discipline and determination are required to press through.

I’m fortunate enough to work with some very smart and mature people.  I’m on a team that’s been honed by years of working together on tough assignments.  We assist each other through crunch-times.  We’ve seen storm after storm.  We’ve learned from repetition and from each other how to endure.  Its not just that our livelihoods are on the line.  The team has a sense of character, diligence, and responsible pride and ownership in both its work and relationships.

No one enjoys “passing by the lions.”  It’s taxing. Still, there must be value in it.  An unchallenged life is liable to be boring, undeveloped, or worse, bratty.  What I take from the analogy is the recognition in my own life that lions are always roaring somewhere.  With God’s grace I’ve managed to pass by them over and over again.  I still get freaked out by emotions now and then, but I come back together because the lions are chained.  I’m far less likely to panic than I once was.  The one thing that I’m certain has changed is I’ve learned a little bit about self control.

Shipwreck

“Timothy, my son, I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you might fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith.” 1 Timothy 1:18, 19

One of the most frightening images to me is the thought of drowning at sea. I’ve watched documentaries with footage of powerful waves overtaking huge ships. Many of them seem to split in the middle before going down. The ships usually send out a distress signal. Sometimes the people on board are saved by rescuers, sometimes not. It’s hard to imagine what a person left aboard a sinking ship must feel, watching the dark waves come crashing over them relentlessly, before being sucked into the deep.

I imagine It is quite similar to when a person fails to hold onto faith in the midst of life’s trials. As one who failed to hold onto faith and a good conscience before God at a prior time in life, I can vouch that the result isn’t pretty.

Many who fall away do so after a short haul because their faith never had roots to begin with.  But what must it take for a person of good conscience and faith in God to fall that hard?

In my case, I had followed Christ diligently for years.  I was young and full of zeal.  But my dreams fell apart.  I desired what I thought was the ultimate purpose for my life– serving in pastoral ministry.  Unfortunately, I got nowhere, despite my hard work and faithfulness. I was encouraged by many others that God’s calling was on my life.  I offered countless prayers to God to open the door for me to serve.  It all came to a head after what I perceived to be the last failure.  And one day I gave up.

Instead of accepting God’s will and surrendering to his true purpose for my life, I turned my heart against him.  I hated God for denying me what I desired and felt I rightly deserved.  I shipwrecked my faith.

Read 1 Timothy 1:20 and you’ll get a good picture of what happened to me.  My stupor overcame me.  I awoke from it after many months when I ended up in the hospital suffering from major clinical depression.  My life has never been quite the same since.  God did not abandon me, but like Jacob, who wrestled with God and received a limp, I have permanent reminders in my body of the experience.

“Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”  Proverbs 1:7

Scripture says God disciplines those he loves (Hebrews 12:6).  My discipline may have been harsh, but it taught me not to turn my back on my faith and my God.  It took many years for me to get the lesson.  The bottom line is God is above my accusations. He is perfect just as he claims.  He does not need my help running the universe or even my own life (Job 40:1-5).

Recovering from a shipwreck is a long and arduous process.  God doesn’t take us out of trials.  They come and go continually.  Impossible situations are God’s forte.  It appears to me that’s because it is the only way we truly learn to trust him.  The path to him is always the same: trust and obey.

Job suffered immensely (Job 1:13-19).  Its important to note, however, that he was never without hope.  The scripture is clear that God was watching over him the whole time.  Ultimately, God restored Job and blessed him more than he was blessed before his great trial.  Nonetheless, you can imagine Job felt something from it for the rest of his life.  And it never says that God explained to him what was going on behind the scenes.  The picture was far bigger than Job could imagine.

God’s ways are not our ways, but in the context of eternity his plans are divine.